Dear Roz:
Since the birth of our first child 5 months ago, my wife isn’t interested in sex. I help with the baby and do more than my fair share of the housework, and I don’t think she’s mad or anything. She just doesn’t seem to feel passionate. What can we do to get our romance and sex back into our marriage? — RL
Dear RL,
After only 5 months, your wife’s body is recovering from childbirth.
Her hormones are still all over the map—her sex drive might not fully return till the baby is 18 months old. In addition, she is undoubtedly short on sleep and long on responsibility. She’s also giving the baby some of the attention she used to give you, which is inevitable but can make you feel a bit lonely.
Tell her you’d like to help in whatever way she needs it, and to show your love in a way she can receive it. Maybe suggest a cuddle on the couch by candlelight, listening to your favorite CD, without any idea of it being a seduction scene, just a reconnection.
You can tell her matter-of-factly (not Poor-Me) that you sometimes miss the spontaneous sex you used to have, but that you understand it’ll be a while before there’s room for it. Then LISTEN to her response, and understand where she’s coming from.